Late in the night, a creature lurks the internet from end to end searching for ridiculous vehicles to purchase for lulz and attention as he has an idea different from any he has had previously.  With the new found power of addition, thoughts of joining a $20 chainsaw from a garage sale and a mountain bike from his childhood ensued as the sun begins to peak through the blinds next to his computer. It is almost bed time, but a few more searches on how to attach a chainsaw to a bicycle are in store for the night lurker as he comes across an interesting German YouTube video of a motorized bicycle kit from china.

Armed with little more than an Amazon credit card and a retarded website, the creature strikes with his card and waits patiently for his spoils to arrive in a white unmarked van during regular business hours on a Tuesday.

After many hours of tinkering, bolting and zip-tieing with the fury of ancient dwarven engineers, a two-wheeled hybrid-powered transportation machine of insanity is brought into this world. With the grin of a troll, the giant door of the garage opens and the Steel Pony slowly rolls out into the sunlight for the first time, peddled by its first rider. Pedaling as fast as he can, the rider dumps the clutch to engage the engine and the machine quickly slows to a stop as the engine resists moving like a tired man after a hard day, drinking his first beer on the couch. After playing with a few levers and a couple more attempts the muffled sounds of success radiate out of the tailpipe as the glorious rider’s hair blows in the wind and sunlight beams down from heaven.

It was in this moment that the world would never be the same. A machine came alive that could run on the power of a living creature peddling it or a liquid from decomposed dead creature sloshing around in its 2 liter fuel tank. The ultimate hybrid of life and death, America and China, bolts and zip-ties, human and machine…    …is about to reign terror on these streets.

8 Responses

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